It seems fair to say that teenage Katherine Berney could not have imagined her grown-up self sitting downstairs from her place of work as Director of Gender Based Violence Prevention, Foundation for Alcohol Research and Education (FARE), speaking with a journalist about gender-based violence.

A mother and stepmother of three, former Executive Director of the National Women’s Safety Alliance and the ACT recipient of the Australian Awards for Excellence in Women’s Leadership, Ms Berney says that growing up, she had no experience with domestic or family violence.

“I was in a family where there was no domestic violence. It wasn’t even on the radar of things that you talked about,” she says.

Ms Berney, whose parents, Clinton and Maureen, and brothers Derek and Hugh, settled in Canberra over thirty years ago, once thought that her career would be in music and acting.

Whilst her school life in Canberra “… was not an amazingly happy time for me”, Ms Berney says that she also had “… some great inspiration from some of my teachers”, which resulted in her pursuing creative endeavours. The first and most impactful was with the Canberra Children’s Choir.

“I loved singing, and probably the most important part of my youth was with the Canberra Children’s Choir,” she says. “It was a really happy part of my life.”

Canberra Children’s Choir not only spawned lifelong friendships but lay the groundwork for what became successful studies for Ms Berney at the ANU Canberra School of Music and education, travel and performance opportunities both in Australia and internationally.

These included in Scandinavia, London, Italy and Germany.

Ms Berney also enjoyed extra acting roles in Home and Away, All Saints, and more, but realised in her late twenties that singing and acting as a career wasn’t for her and that she missed her family.

So, she moved back to Australia and commenced a marketing role with Coca-Cola Amatil.

However, Ms Berney then found herself in an abusive relationship, which lasted three years.

Though, like many, it took her a while to realise that she was in one.

“Of course, I fell into the trap of thinking that physical violence is the only demonstration of violence,” she says. “And it’s absolutely not.”

“I’m one of the cases that had no physical violence, but the coercive control was out of control.”

Ms Berney remembers thinking she was “going crazy”, because of the mixed messages and gaslighting that are features of controlling relationships.

“I kind of then had a moment where everything fell apart, and I had to ask myself, ‘Who am I, what is it that I want from my life and how can I be happy?’”

“And I absolutely didn’t know,” she said.

It was the love and support of her family that led to her return to Canberra, “…for my safety”, said Ms Bernie, where they helped her rebuild.

“We’re not going to let you forget who you are,” her family told her.

Once home in Canberra, Ms Berney decided to connect with what gave her joy and later took a job with the Red Cross in Vanuatu, which she loved.

When this concluded, and at the age of 34, Ms Berney met her now husband Jon.

Of Jon, Ms Berney says, “He is the person who showed me that it isn’t actually difficult to love someone and for it to be a really good experience.”

While she says she has always cared about the rights of women, her experience in an abusive relationship is what translated that concern into the passion with which Ms Berney has worked in the gender-based violence sector for over a decade.

“It was never for the best,” she says.

“But that experience has provided me with a unique lens on how I view life, and has given me an empathy that perhaps I wouldn’t have had before.”

Gender-based violence can happen to anyone.

Ms Berney cautions against it being an ‘other people’ problem, and stresses that a significant difference we can make is, “… to believe someone when they tell you it’s happening,” she says.

And what would this mother and fierce advocate do with a magic wand if she had one?

“Seriously, I would not have a job,” she says.

“I want to be redundant in my job, because that would mean people are safe and happier, which makes a better Australia.

“For a society with less violence is good for every single person.”