One in four young men suffers from depression and anxiety, but only one in 10 will talk to someone and get help. Ben Gathercole, CEO of Menslink, urges young men to speak up early before problems reach crisis point.

“No matter what, times will get better,” Mr Gathercole said. “Some young guys are in a dire situation. With a bit of time and a bit of help, and the ability to talk about it, those things do come good, so there is hope.”

For 24 years, Menslink has been a safe, recurring, male-friendly place where young guys can eat, talk, be mentored, and learn ordinary life skills.

“The great magic of Menslink is young guys feeling comfortable that they can reach out,” Mr Gathercole said.

It provides short-term counselling to help 10- to 25-year-olds get through stressful life events, and long-term mentoring for 10- to 16-year-olds who are socially isolated or don’t have a consistent male rôle model. It runs outreach programs in schools, beginning in primary school, to teach boys early that seeking help is okay.

“It’s not an easy thing to seek help,” Mr Gathercole said. “Young guys, in particular, are not conditioned to it. Sometimes they just don’t feel comfortable asking for help.”

Menslink also runs fun social activities ranging from barbecues to water sports and archery.

The biggest issue facing young men, Mr Gathercole says, is disconnection: from school, sport, work, family, and community. Screens and the internet have made it easy for young men to withdraw from real-world relationships and activities such as “kicking the footy with a mate, going to your first job at the café or the chemist or the milk run”.

“Going through adolescence is hard enough,” Mr Gathercole said. “Going through adolescence with [a mobile phone] in your pocket is really difficult.”

He is also concerned about gambling. Advertising romanticises betting, making it look “quite cool” to boys in their mid-teens by linking it with sport, mateship, and pretty girls. Online pornography and trends such as ‘looksmaxxing’ warp young men’s expectations of sex and self-image.

Mr Gathercole said the consequences of not seeking help were not always dramatic or immediate, but lack of support could mean young men drop out of school, apprenticeships, university or work, and lessen their ability to fulfil their potential.

“The greatest gift we can give our young people is a solid education… because when you see guys drop out, you know you certainly know that their life’s probably going to be a little more difficult,” Mr Gathercole said.

Nine out of ten people caught up in the juvenile justice system are men, rising to 50 to one in the adult system.

Four in five suicides are men. Suicide is the leading cause of male death in every age group from 15 to 44. Each year, more young men die by their own hand than the entire national road toll.

Mr Gathercole encourages adults to notice when young men miss sports practice for several weeks, skip school, miss work shifts, or stop going to other social groups – and check in with them.

For parents worried about a young man, Mr Gathercole’s first advice is simple: “Firstly, stay calm.”

“Help seeking behavior is not something that can be forced upon someone (young or old),” Mr Gathercole said. “The worst thing you can say is, ‘I’m going to make you go to Menslink or other such services’.”

After counselling, Menslink advises parents not to immediately demand: “How did it go?” Instead, parents should give the young person space. A calmer side-by-side conversation in the car may work better than badgering them in the corridor.

Menslink is well supported in Canberra — Mr Gathercole says he often meets adults whom the organisation helped, and who want to stand him a coffee — but the organisation has a long waiting list for its services.

“We’re most certainly at capacity,” Mr Gathercole said. “We can’t keep up with the demand. Nonetheless, we are grateful for the support from the Canberra community, and know our impact with young men will always be needed.”

Canberrans can help by donating; attending events and supporting fundraisers such as the Big Night Out, the Menslink Business Breakfast, or the Menslink Great Walk; or volunteering as mentors. For more information, visit https://menslink.org.au.