Adolescence is a time of experimentation and identity-building, which can sometimes mean taking risks such as driving too fast, vaping, sneaking out, drinking, or trying drugs. As adults, it’s tempting to react with alarm or launch into a lecture. But the most effective conversations come not from panic, but from connection.
Teens are wired to push boundaries. Their brains are still developing, particularly the part responsible for decision-making and impulse control. Combine that with a need to fit in and a belief that nothing bad will happen to them, and you’ve got a recipe for risky behaviour. But here’s the good news: your influence as a parent, carer, or trusted adult still matters – a lot. Here are a couple of research-backed tips to help you.
Start early – and keep it going: Talking about risk-taking doesn’t have to be a one-off ‘big talk’. In fact, it’s much better if it isn’t. Start early with age-appropriate chats and keep the lines of communication open through the teen years. Ask what they’ve heard at school or seen online. Be curious, not judgmental.
Use real-life examples: The news, a scene from a show, or something a friend is going through can be great conversation starters. “What do you think you’d do in that situation?” or “How do you think their parents reacted?” helps teens reflect on choices without feeling like they’re under a spotlight.
Stay calm – even when you’re not: If your teen tells you something confronting, try not to react with anger or shock. That’s hard, especially if you’re scared for their safety. But staying calm increases the chance they’ll come to you again. It also models the kind of self-regulation we’re hoping they’ll learn.
Talk about values, not just rules: Rather than just listing what they’re not allowed to do, talk about what matters to your family and why. “We respect our bodies,” or “We look out for our friends”, can be more meaningful than “Don’t ever drink.” Teens are more likely to make healthy decisions when they understand the why behind the guidance.
Make it safe to fail: Teens will make mistakes, just like we did. Let them know they can come to you, no matter what. That doesn’t mean there are no consequences, but it means they won’t be shamed or rejected. You’re their safety net, not their prosecutor.
When to seek help: If your teen seems withdrawn, secretive, or is taking increasingly unsafe risks, it might be time to talk to a psychologist, GP or school counsellor. And if you’re unsure how to have these conversations yourself, there’s support for you too. Here are a couple of helplines, as well as thinking about contacting your GP or school wellbeing team.
Parentline ACT: 02 6287 3833; Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 (kids and parents can call); or visit headspace.org.au
