One of the most heartbreaking things I hear in therapy is people believing they are the only one struggling and that feels lonely and distressing. This is exactly where the psychological concept of common humanity becomes so important and is something I teach my clients as well as practice myself.

The term comes from the work of psychologist Kristin Neff, who developed the theory of self-compassion. Common humanity simply means recognising that suffering, imperfection and emotional pain are part of the shared human experience. In other words, struggling does not make you defective, it makes you human. Seeing ourselves this way helps us to be kinder and more compassionate towards ourselves, which ultimately improves our mental health.

Many of us live as though everyone else has things sorted except us. Social media certainly fuels this. We see filtered faces, perfectly clean and tidy houses, smiling family photos and assume everyone else is coping wonderfully while we alone feel insecure, overwhelmed or dissatisfied with ourselves.

Most people are battling something. For example, the busy parent doing it all may be running on empty and feeling guilty no matter what they do. The person who appears confident may be constantly worrying about how they look. The student getting high marks may secretly feel like a fraud.

In my work, I often see people being incredibly harsh on themselves for very human experiences. Such as criticising themselves for feeling sad, for not exercising enough, for ageing, for feeling anxious, or for not being productive every minute of the day. Somewhere along the line, many people have developed the belief that they must always be exceptional to be worthy.

Common humanity asks us to step back and recognise that all of us experience difficulties and that we are worthwhile simply for existing. All of us experience rejection, self-doubt, disappointment, grief, illness, stress and insecurity. We are not meant to be perfect and being more compassionate to ourselves helps increase our quality of life.

So how do we practise common humanity?

Firstly, notice when you are speaking to yourself in a way you never would to another person. For example, you’d never say to a friend that they are stupid, hopeless, ugly, or bad. Yet many people speak to themselves this way daily.

Secondly, stop comparing your own worth to what you see on the outside in others. You never truly know what is going on inside a person emotionally, physically or psychologically. And you deserve the right to rest, care for yourself and take up space in the world.

Thirdly,try shifting the question from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s happening for me right now?” This helps us be curious, kind and understanding.

Recognising common humanity helps us see shared experiences and connections with others and that’s comforting.

For further reading, see Dr Vivienne Lewis’s latest book, Embracing You: A Practical Guide to Body Image and Self-Acceptance. ausapress.com/p/9781923114159