Over the years, I’ve worked with many colleagues, students and clients — brilliant, capable, thoughtful people who’ve admitted to feeling like a fraud. Despite their hard work, talent, and achievements, they’re haunted by the sense that they don’t truly deserve their success. They fear they’ve fooled everyone and that it’s only a matter of time before they’re found out. This is the essence of impostor syndrome.
Impostor syndrome is a very real experience that can have a profound impact on how we feel about and how we present ourselves to the world. It tends to show up in times of growth or transition, such as starting a new job, being promoted, presenting at a conference, or even just being acknowledged for a job well done. Paradoxically, the more we achieve, the more pressure we may feel to maintain the illusion of competence.
What we see is that impostor feelings don’t come from a lack of ability, but from a disconnect between how others see us and how we see ourselves. Internally, we’re aware of our doubts, our mistakes, and the moments where we weren’t certain. So, when others express confidence in us, it can feel jarring or unearned. Have you ever said to yourself, “If only they knew what I’m really like”? These thoughts impact our confidence and can be mentally exhausting.
Impostor syndrome can come from many places. Sometimes it starts in childhood, especially if you were taught that being perfect or achieving a lot was the only way to be accepted. It can also come from growing up in a family that was critical, dismissive, or didn’t support or believe in you. On top of that, being in environments where you rarely see people like you, whether that’s because of race, gender, background, or values, can make you feel like you don’t belong, even when you’re just as capable as everyone else. These feelings aren’t just personal doubts; they’re often shaped by the people and systems around us.
What helps? For many people, the first shift comes from being able to name the experience. Simply saying, “This is impostor syndrome,” can bring a sense of relief and perspective. It’s not proof that you’re inadequate, it’s a common human response to being stretched, seen, or stepping outside your comfort zone.
It also helps to notice the self-talk that accompanies impostor feelings. The internal narrative is often harsh, rigid, and absolute. We can begin to gently challenge those thoughts by asking, “Is that 100% true?” or “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” Most of us are far more compassionate with others than we are with ourselves.
In helping yourself overcome imposter syndrome, start by relating to it differently, with more awareness, kindness, and curiosity. If it feels hard to do this on your own, seeing a psychologist can be a safe space to explore these feelings.
