After more than twenty years of sitting with people in my therapy room and researching body image and eating concerns, I’ve noticed one belief that repeats itself across ages, genders, and life stages. “If only my body were different, my life would be better.” I hear it from teenagers and new mums, men in midlife, elite athletes, retirees, and people who appear, from the outside, to be coping just fine. Beneath that belief sits a great deal of anxiety, low mood, shame, and self-criticism. It’s the reason people avoid social events, dread summer, push themselves relentlessly with exercise, or put life on hold until their body changes. Over time, it became clear to me that this struggle wasn’t about vanity or lack of willpower. It was about the way we’ve been taught to measure our worth.
From a psychological perspective, the idea that we must “fix” our bodies to feel better simply doesn’t hold up. Decades of research show that positive body image, not dieting, not weight loss, not chasing an ideal, is one of the strongest predictors of mental wellbeing and life satisfaction.
People who respect their bodies are more likely to care for them. They eat more consistently, move in ways that feel sustainable, engage socially, and cope better with stress. Shame, on the other hand, narrows our world. It increases disordered eating, avoidance, anxiety, and depression. Yet we continue to live in a culture that tells us our bodies are problems to be solved. It’s no wonder so many people feel stuck.
Moving away from self-criticism
Much of my work with clients involves helping them step out of constant body-checking, harsh self-talk, and rigid rules around food or exercise. This isn’t about pretending to love every part of your body. It’s about learning how to relate to your body with respect rather than punishment.
It’s also about understanding how social media quietly rewires our self-worth, why self-compassion is a psychological strength, and how easily people can get caught in cycles of restriction and bingeing when they feel disconnected from their bodies. These are the ideas I’ve brought together in Embracing You: A Practical Guide to Body Image and Self-Acceptance, a companion for people who are tired of being at war with themselves.
You don’t need to have an eating disorder to struggle with body image. You simply need to be human in a culture that profits from making you feel not good enough. And at a time when many of us are juggling work pressures, caring roles, illness, parenting, or simply trying to get through the week, that ongoing battle with our bodies becomes an unnecessary extra burden. As I often say to clients: Your body isn’t the problem. The problem is the way we’ve been taught to judge it.
My hope is that conversations like this and the work I’ve put into Embracing You help people soften that judgment. Because when you stop fighting your body, you don’t just feel better about how you look, you get more of your life back. To purchase a copy, visit ausapress.com/p/9781923114159
