The last time CW caught up with Men’s Table (11 August, 2022), the grassroots organisation was on the cusp of launching the very first entrée night for Eastlake Gungahlin. At the time, there were no current Tables running in the ACT.
Days after the story was published, Tables in Canberra garnered so much demand that an entrée night for a second Men’s Table was held on 17 August.
According to regional host, Michael Collins, this proves that a safe environment for men to share openly about their lives “has been the missing ingredient” for locals.
In less than a year, Men’s Tables groups have quadrupled in the ACT (with one also forming in Queanbeyan) and doubled nationally. The organisation blew past the milestone of 100 Tables operating Australia-wide on Valentine’s Day.
“New Tables are emerging all the time, thanks to the generosity of local venues,” says Michael. “We’ll continue to respond to demand from local men.”
One local man, 42-year-old Brendan O’Brien, says he has already noticed a difference in his day-to-day life since attending the monthly meetups.
“Around October last year, [Men’s Table] came up in my news feed on Instagram.” Brendan, whose world had just been upended weeks before, saw it as an opportunity to find support, and support others.
“My wife and I separated at the end of September. I hadn’t lived on my own as an adult, ever. I have always been in long-term relationships, and it was going to be a big adjustment.
“Mental health has always been a big thing for me. Talking about stuff, not keeping it bottled up.
“I lost my dad to suicide in 2010.
“Even though I was going through my own problems, I also wanted to be there for other people who wanted to talk. Maybe someone would realise that they’re not going through it on their own.
“Our first table was in December… It felt really cathartic. I just walked out of there thinking that this is going to be a really good thing.”
There are a number of rules for conversations at Men’s Table, including no politics, no religion, no ‘alpha behaviour’, and a last one that took Brendan by surprise.
“‘No fixing. We listen.’ If people want help, they’ll ask, but we don’t offer help.
“When people talk about their stuff, I like to try and help and fix and give advice,” says Brendan. “Men, that’s what we do. We try and fix things.
“If I’m listening to someone and I’m thinking about ways to fix it, I’m not really listening. It’s been really good for me to listen more.
“It’s about letting people just tell their story, and letting it be their story. Not, ‘Oh you know, that happened to me, or a friend-of-a-friend, and we did this’.”
Despite his initial surprise, the ‘No fixing’ rule caused the first noticeable ripple into Brendan’s ‘real world’ life.
“I listen more now, as opposed to interrupting and offering advice straight away. That’s been a good thing for me, not just personally, but with work as well.
“When my boss is talking to me about something that I’ve done, or haven’t done, I just listen. I don’t react straight away. I take a breath and then give my answer, whereas previously I would just get defensive.”
Eighty per cent of men who attend a Men’s Table reported a benefit to their mental health and wellbeing, and 84 per cent felt a stronger sense of community belonging.
“Knowing that you’re going to see the same guys every month, having them to talk to … it helps,” says Brendan.
“Men’s mental health, in particular, is something that gets forgotten about a lot, unfortunately.
“I’m not shy in talking about what I’ve had going on, I will open up … and part of why I do that is to help guys see that it’s actually okay to be vulnerable.
“Male or female, it’s not healthy to have sh*t bottled up,” he says.
Register for an entrée at themenstable.org/get-involved/
If this story raised concerns, help is available. Call or visit the website of Lifeline (13 11 14) or Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636). In an emergency, call 000.
