I see many young clients with body image issues where they hold negative perceptions of their appearance; they’re the wrong body shape or weight, aren’t attractive enough, or they don’t look good enough. This can lead many to feel unhappy about themselves and also into dangerous behaviours such as dieting for weight loss, excessive spending on makeup and clothing to ‘look their best’ and anxiety leading up to the event.
Young people face a lot of pressure from social media and their peers regarding their appearance, including weight, skin, hair, shape, and size. We hear people being teased for their appearance and teens are more susceptible to falling for the traps of marketing to buy products or do things to look a certain way with the promise of it bringing happiness.
The school formal is meant to be a time of celebration. Where young people get together with their friends, enjoy a lovely day and evening, maybe for the last time in their schooling. For many though, it’s met with dread and anxiety. It’s a particularly dangerous time for those with eating disorders, so I will talk here about how to help your teen at this time.
Firstly, try to shift the focus away from appearance. We know that it’s not as simple as saying “it doesn’t matter what you look like” to a teen, but as adults, we should avoid overemphasising appearance. When shopping for an outfit, make it a pleasant experience and try to stay away from making comments about weight, shape and size. Instead, comment on how they look happy and comfortable. When they’re doing their make-up and hair, comment on their talents around this. Ask them about their friends and what they’ll do to have fun. Comment on how proud you are of them for who they are.
Look out for signs of concern, such as your child not eating or talking about the effects of foods on their body. Instead, focus on talking about food in terms of its function—how it provides energy and supports mood and relaxation. Avoid conversations about dieting or making comments about your own body and eating habits, as this helps to model a positive body image.
Focus on other things that are going on in your teen’s life. What else are they doing and enjoying? Try not to buy into the need for everything to be just right for the event but rather enjoying the lead up and focusing on other priorities.
Talk to your teen. Ask them what they’re worried about and why and ask them if they want to talk to someone. Remember, it’s just one event that will come and go quickly.
If you are worried about your teen, the Butterfly Foundation has some great resources on how to help. You might also like to read my book No Body’s Perfect, which is for parents and carers trying help children and young people with body image issues.
