Nothing can be changed if it isn’t spoken about and sometimes that needs to be done on a national scale. A new series from SBS aims to reignite the conversation about the sexual violence experienced by millions of Australians. The first episode of Asking For It, a three-part documentary series, aired on 20 April with the next two parts to screen on consecutive Thursdays. All episodes will be available on SBS on Demand after their screening date.

Hosted by journalist Jess Hill, the series highlights the fact that an average of 85 sexual assaults are reported every day in Australia, with many more victims not coming forward. From the sexual liberation that swept the globe in the 1960s to modern times of enthusiastic consent, the series talks to experts, people who have experienced sexual violence, and change makers, asking the question of how we can change rape culture into consent culture?

Episode two features Dr Vanita Parekh, Director of Research Clinical Forensic Services and founder of Forensic and Medical Sexual Assault Care at Canberra Hospital. Back in 2000, sporadic forensic services were available for people who had been sexually assaulted and raped, all of which were connected to reporting the attack to the police. That all changed when a young woman told her mother that she had been raped, and unsure of how to help, the mother made calls until someone reached Dr Parekh for assistance that night.

“The key thing about that mum was that she believed the daughter and she listened to her daughter, and then tried to do something about it,” Dr Parekh says.

Because of that teenage girl’s bravery and her mother’s response, a team of dedicated doctors and staff have been helping patients on their healing journey for the past 23 years. Being an HIV and sexual health physician, Dr Parekh knew the team had to collect forensic evidence and offer an encompassing treatment plan.

When attending the service, patients are offered forensic collection, STI testing, counselling and aftercare services, medical treatment and a pathway to police reporting. Patients are asked to explain what happened to them so that treatment can be thorough, knowing where to collect, testing for drugs in their system, and looking for possible injuries.

Contrary to popular belief, Dr Parekh says it is quite rare that a patient will come in with injuries they sustained in the assault; those who do are treated on-site. The myth that all people who have experienced violence have injuries is a dangerous one the media has perpetuated, says Dr Parekh; one that may make people feel like no one will believe them if they haven’t sustained physical injuries or that it may not have been a serious assault. 

“If you watch a television program or film, if you look at what does the sexual assault victim look like, they look like they’re all bashed up, and they’re young, and they’re attractive. That’s not how most people feel or not how most people are; they’re not bashed up, and they don’t have all of those things, but they’ve still been violated,” she says.

The care received looks different for each patient; nothing is forced, and everything is offered to help them through a traumatic period of their lives.

“When people have got a choice, then they’re much more likely to make decisions that are going to help them on their healing journey and I talk about healing journey quite a lot, but it’s not a ‘we fix it all in one go’ sort of thing,” Dr Parekh says.

Since opening its doors, the service has assisted over 3,000 patients aged 15 and above.

Research into sexual violence is an important aspect of the service, which has submitted its first research paper for potential publication.

Around half the patients who come through the clinic were intoxicated with alcohol at the time of their sexual assault, says Dr Parekh. A frightening trend they have seen is an increase in strangulation or pressure on the neck, something which she says is never okay. She reaffirms that no pressure should ever be put on the neck and that you cannot consent to something that is potentially going to kill you.

“We know that when I first started, about 2 per cent of patients would tell us that they had somebody put their hands around the neck, and now it’s about 25 per cent of our sexual assaults. So, something has really changed.”

Again, Dr Parekh believes the media the public consumes, both pornographic and not, has led to an increase in assaults involving asphyxiation. She says that what young people consume online forms their sexual education and we need to ensure we educate everyone on how to have safe and enjoyable sexual encounters.

Concerned for the future of those who are at an age where they are ready to start experimenting sexually, Dr Parekh says our first sexual experiences are incredibly important. She says our sexual patterns are a learned behaviour with the powerful psychological response from an orgasm reinforcing it.

“If you learn a certain behaviour like ‘okay, I’m going to have sex with women when they’re drunk’ or whatever and you learn that the first time, then that sets you up for that expectation every time,” she says.

The introduction of enthusiastic consent (an ongoing process from all parties involved) is a step in the right direction to ensure that sex is a positive experience for participants.

“It’s active rather than verbal or passive. It incorporates elements like verbal communication, body communication, and how they’re conveying that consent,” says Dr Parekh. “It’s about how you’re acting as well, what you’re thinking, and your words that you’re saying, but also your actions, and they’re all aligning.”

Much to the disdain of her children, Dr Parekh says the goal of sex is pleasure; we do it because we enjoy it, and that’s how it should be, always.

“If you know that person is into it and you’re into it, then you can actually have a lot of pleasure because a lot of sex is actually in the brain; probably the majority of it is in the brain. It is about feeling relaxed and comfortable,” she says.

Dr Parekh also works at Canberra Sexual Health Centre at Canberra Hospital. As part of the intake process, every person is asked if they have ever had sex that they didn’t want. She says the number of women in their sixties and seventies who have never been asked that question is astounding. One woman’s story has stayed with her, she now uses it as part of her teachings. When the patient was just 15, she went out one night and was raped. She told her sister whose reaction was to tell her it was stupid of her.

“Then she doesn’t tell anyone for another 50 years what’s happened to her and during that time she’s had a lot of health stuff because of the stress and emotion of it,” Dr Parekh says.

There is still a lot of work to be done in how we react to someone who is trying to disclose this deeply personal and traumatic event. Dr Parekh says that it is important to remember when someone tells us this, they aren’t burdening us with the information, rather, they are coming to us as someone who is important to them to share something traumatic and scary.

“It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you’ve been sexually assaulted or that you’ve been raped. When you hear that, as another person, you should feel really honoured that they’ve trusted you enough to tell you,” she says.

If you are unsure what to do in the situation, Dr Parekh says to acknowledge you don’t know what to do but to reassure them you will help them find services that can assist.

Asking For It screens on SBS Thursday at 8.30pm or on SBS on Demand; sbs.com.au

For more information on Forensic and Medical Sexual Assault Care at Canberra Hospital, visit canberrahealthservices.act.gov.au

If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence, you can call or visit the website of:

• 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732
• Canberra Rape Crisis Centre: 02 6247 2525
• Domestic Violence Crisis Service ACT: 02 6280 0900
• Lifeline: 13 11 14

In an emergency, call 000.

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