It’s the words that no expectant parent ever wants to hear: ‘Your baby has no heartbeat.’
After 27 weeks of pregnancy, following four years of IVF, Gemma and Yen received the horrible news.
“There were days after where we thought we wouldn’t ever go outside again,” said Gemma, who experienced a smooth pregnancy until one morning, when she woke to her baby, Jin, feeling heavy and still.
Neither Gemma nor Yen were aware of the prominence of stillbirth in Australia before having experienced it themselves.
“There are six babies stillborn every day in this country,” Gemma said. “The first person to tell me that was the midwife that helped deliver Jin, who had also lost her baby.”
“We struggled so much to not lose hope after Jin died,” she said. “But then our families, both biological and chosen, rallied around us. Their energy protected us and loved us and, through them, we felt more rooted in the world.”
Now, almost nine months later, the couple spoke of the precious support that helped them through a painful chapter in their lives.
“It was really important for our friends to talk to us about Jin and allow us that space to share what we went through,” Gemma said.
“Even if it makes us sad, or our friends sad, it’s still better to talk about it rather than perpetuate the idea that it doesn’t happen very much, or that it’s something you shouldn’t talk about because it’s too sad,” Yen said.
After much difficulty, and support from their families and Red Nose, the couple have re-entered the world. Both are back to working fulltime, with Gemma even starting a new job. Their newfound passion and dedication to educate and reduce the risk of stillbirth in Australia has led them to join the ranks of Still Six Lives, an organisation whose mission is to do just that.
“There’s a substantial percentage of stillbirth rates that are preventable. Countries like Sweden and Japan have shockingly lower stillbirth rates than Australia, and the difference is government-supported education on prenatal care,” Yen said.
Still Six Lives educates Australians every day on the ‘Big Three’ actions in stillbirth prevention:
- Sleep on your side after 28 weeks of pregnancy.
- Be aware of your baby’s movements and contact your maternity care professional immediately if movements change.
- Stop smoking and avoid inhaling second-hand smoke.
However, Gemma and Yen believe there needs to be more education on the topic.
“We’ve heard several people disregard warnings to sleep on your side when pregnant, calling it a myth, despite there being endless medical research to support it,” Yen said.
“Most people know of the harms of smoking when pregnant, but not enough know to seek help immediately if your baby’s movements suddenly change,” Gemma added.
She also spoke of the importance of representation in media. “When you see a miscarriage on TV, it’s always very rare and dramatic. Maybe the woman falls down the stairs and miscarries because of that. Meanwhile, in reality, 25% of pregnancies in Australia end in miscarriage.
“Also, the trope of the silly pregnant woman! The idea that people shouldn’t take her seriously is so detrimental, because every real-life pregnant woman then has that thought of ‘oh, I shouldn’t make a fuss.’ Being open to the intuitive feelings of your body is a crucial part of prenatal care,” Gemma said.
“We also need to teach partners to listen when their pregnant partner expresses anxiety and not jump to minimise that by saying ‘it’ll be fine’, or ‘it’s okay’,” Yen said.
“The last time I said that, it wasn’t okay. Reach out to your medical providers if you’re anxious, or if anything seems different or strange. Involve your family and friends in upholding your care as well.
“And if you know someone who has recently experienced stillbirth, make sure they have the space to talk about it. I found it was so much better when I had a space that was open and honest, where I could talk about Jin and was acknowledged as a parent.”
Gemma and Yen have not given up on trying to have a baby and are one of many families dedicated to prenatal care education through Still Six Lives.
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