Surely this must have been some kind of cruel trick.
A torture test akin to putting a sizzling steak in front of a starving man, and forbidding him to eat.
Imagine being handed the keys to one of the world’s great performance cars – and being told it can’t be driven. Well, basically.
The all-new BMW M4 Competition was collected from the dealership just one day after Brisbane was ordered into an eight-day COVID lockdown.
The rules included instructions to not leave home unless absolutely necessary. And if so, don’t venture more than 10km from home.
This restriction needs to be considered alongside a maximum speed limit of 60km/h within that 10km radius.
According to the rules, the awesome-looking machine remains in the garage garage. Unless a re-stock of toilet paper is necessary.
Fortunately, there was one small consolation.
The week immediately after the frustrating, truncated road-test of the M4, came a switch to its alter-ego, the legendary BMW M3 Competition. Definitely not the worst ‘consolation prize’.
The M3 has been part of the BMW arsenal for more than 30 years and has done perhaps more to shape the German brand than any other model to wear that propeller badge.
There’s been an M3 for every new iteration of the 3 Series since the E30 model launched in 1986. The original, high-revving, four-cylinder embarrassed the powerful Aussie V8s as it terrorised the Australian Touring Car events. The M4 arrived much later, born when two-door Beemers got even-number designations.
So how do they stack up?
Mechanically, of course, they’re all but identical. Same twin turbocharged, straight-six powerplant. Same eight-speed Steptronic transmission. Same menacing bark from the quad exhausts.
The numbers are identical, too: 375 kilowatts, 650Nm, 0-100km/h in a blurry 3.5 seconds.
Those things considered, it was a little surprising how different the two variants felt from one another.
The coupe seemed a couple of degrees sharper, stiffer, more focused than its slightly more family-friendly sibling.
There’s no doubt the M3, in its latest iteration, leans more towards the executive buyer – looking to stand out from the 3 Series crowd – than any previous model. That’s true of its ride, although suspension can be adjusted, and also of the seriously high-end, luxurious interior.
It looks and feels like a $154,900 machine should (or $159,900 if you opt for the two-door version).
It’s also true of the sedan’s performance, with the silky eight-speed torque converter gearbox a more civilised choice than the seven-speed DSG it replaces. That alone seems to add a layer of refinement not previously evident in these M-models.
This more civilised air is more noticeable in the M3, an evolution that might raise a few eyebrows but which probably is aimed at giving choice to potential customers.
The M4 is even more the ‘real deal’ than before, combining pulverising acceleration with razor-sharp road manners.
Of the two, the M4 feels just a bit stiffer, a bit pointier and a bit more hard-edged than the four-door.
What’s more, there’s even decent leg room in the back. And climbing into the back is still considerably easier than twisting into the heavily bolstered, carbon-framed, super-lightweight buckets up front.
The seats would look at home in any racing machine (there’s even a little gap between the legs where a five-point racing harness would go) with massive, stiff bolsters grabbing the thighs and ribs.
Their stunning, weight-saving carbon fibre construction is complemented by the carbon gear-change paddles and parts of the dash, door trims and centre console. There’s even an illuminated M4 badge in the seat backs.
But as handsome and comfortable as the seats are, their appeal would start to wear thin at some point. Perhaps that’s nature’s way of letting some drivers know they’re getting too old to drive a car like this.
Both cars feature perhaps the most aggressive styling seen on this model. Massive air intakes complement a range of flared and aero-optimised panels, with vertical breathers just behind the front wheel arch. The rear diffuser is a work of art, adorned by the quad pipes that supply the sound-track.
The bonnet on both cars is a work of art with deep channels running down the centre and a BMW logo embedded into a channel that extends between the oversized kidney grille.
So, why did the M4 win the comparison?
Well, its looks, for a start.
The test car was clad in a dazzling shade which BMW calls Sao Paulo yellow – which could be granted a household name of ‘pine lime splice’, or ‘unripened banana’.
Glossy, black, 20-inch alloys, a generous use of weight-reducing carbon in the roof, spoiler, front air dam, diffuser and external mirrors further enhanced the effect.
But most of all, the lower, longer appearance of the M4 was compelling. This is a sexy car that looks like it’s going fast. Even when it’s standing still.
In your garage.
In a lockdown.
BMW M4 COMPETITION AND M3 COMPETITION
* HOW BIG? The coupe is 4794mm long and 1887mm wide – which equates to a relatively big machine for this category. That, in turn, means decent leg room in the back and 420 litres of boot space.
* HOW FAST? Officially, the speed limit will arrive in a rather loud, angry and blurry 3.5 seconds.
* HOW THIRSTY? The official fuel figure is 10.2L/100km which is reasonable for a car with this level of capability. Hard driving will push it towards 20L/100km.
* HOW MUCH? The M3 Competition sedan costs $154,900, plus the obligatory on-road costs. The M4 Competition is $159,900 plus on costs.
By Peter Atkinson in Brisbane, AAP
