Did you know that one in five men suffer from an anxiety disorder at some stage in their life and that depression occurs in about one in eight men? Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Substance Abuse Disorders are also common. Yet men seeking help, especially older men, is not common. They often suffer in silence or can be seen to be suffering by those around them but won’t seek help. I talk to a lot of parents and partners in my practice as a Clinical Psychologist, about their concerns about their loved ones who are reluctant (or outwardly refuse) to seek help.
One of the biggest reasons why it is difficult for some men to ask for help is they do not want to be perceived as a burden to their friends and family. Just like anyone, men can think that they are putting someone out when they ask for help. But the help, from professionals especially, is there for a reason, because there’s a need. Also, people in your life generally ask if you’re ok or whether they can help because they want to. Not getting help, when others can see you’re struggling, is actually more of a worry for your loved ones.
Seeking help from a psychologist for mental health issues can be especially challenging where a person perceives it to be a sign of weakness. But it’s a strong and insightful person who asks for help. We educate our students at school and university about understanding our mental health, how to work on it, and seeking help early. We normalise seeking help for our mental health just like asking for any other type of help.
Sometimes men can have difficulty expressing their emotions and worry about verbalising how they feel. That old attitude of ‘manning up’ and ‘getting on with it’ is old school. Help seeking in young males is much more common as it’s talked about more openly at school and in the home. School and university students for example, are strongly encouraged to seek help and deal with issues as they arise rather than putting worries off. Often there’s a huge relief when someone gets mental health support because you’re heard, listened to, respected, and you learn strategies to make yourself feel better.
A few things to consider when trying to help your loved one (whether that be your partner, relative or friend) who doesn’t want help:
- Listen and validate. Everyone needs to be heard and told it’s ok.
- Resist the urge to try and fix the problem or give advice.
- Explore options together about where and who might be best placed to help.
- Lead by example and take care of yourself and find your own support.
Some supports specific for men include Men’s Line on 1300 78 99 78, Beyond Blue, or the Australian Psychological Society. Checking in with your GP is a great start too.
WITH ASSISTANT PROFESSOR DR VIVIENNE LEWIS, CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST AT UNIVERSITY OF CANBERRA
