In her occasional column for Canberra Daily, ‘Why your mind matters’, founder of Anytime Counselling, Tina Kendall-Davis BA, BEd, DipCouns, GradDipPsyc, offers general advice to help us cope in everyday situations. This week’s topic: Jealousy: Companion to many, friend to none.

So often we hear ‘money is the root of all evil’.

But is it?

What about jealousy? Could jealousy be the root of all evil?

Granted, greed needs an honorable mention here. But jealousy feeds greed. So, in my mind, jealousy wins the trophy. Rubbish trophy that it is!

Jealously is an invasive seed that lies dormant in all of us; and, like a weed, it’s an opportunistic pest that thrives on not much at all.

Yep, jealously is one big, useless, annoying weed. And we all know how quickly weeds can take over if they’re not kept in check.

Sadly, there are no hard, fast solutions to weed control – it’s consistent effort that keeps weeds at bay. And when it comes to jealousy, the same approach applies.

And as is the case with so many good things, it isn’t easy.

But it’s definitely doable. And SO worth it.

So, gloves on people – we are weeding out the roots of evil. We are cleaning up our inner garden and removing all sprouts of jealously. Oh – and those established bushes – they’re going too!

So where do we start?

Start by getting angry.

Yes – you read that right. Start by getting angry.

Not angry as in yell, scream, punch, blame, etc. This is one of those inner angers that is all about you.

If you have jealousy, regardless of amount, it’s a reflection of your inner being – and nothing to do with the person you are jealous ‘of’. If we think about it – it makes no difference who has what when it comes to our own space anyway. Like when someone else wins lotto. Nothing changes for us.

Ooh, that stung didn’t it – but it’s true. What someone else has does not, and should not, affect you.

So why get angry? That makes zero sense?

Think about it. We are directing our inner unrest outwards – that’s what jealousy is. ‘I wish I had …’, but if you were content with what you had – you wouldn’t be feeling that way.

Let’s get some perspective around that shall we.

Grab a piece of paper and write everything that pours from your head to your hand. Don’t filter it. Don’t rush it. Don’t hold it back. Don’t edit, don’t correct, don’t consciously control it in any way, shape or form. We don’t care if it’s messy. We don’t care if it’s full of foul language. We don’t care if a single word is spelled correctly. We simply do not care. Head to hand, hand to paper, no conscious processes in between. Just dump. Get angry, get annoyed, get upset and dump. Dump it all. Take as long as you like and use all the words that you need.

Now check in with you and what’s come up? What’s fertilising your jealousy?

Ask yourself, is what you want important enough to you to make the changes necessary in life to make it happen? Is it good enough to make the sacrifices necessary to make it happen? (and don’t pine for that lotto win – if you want that much money, put your thinking cap on and MAKE it. Hard? Yes. Worth it? Well, that’s up to you.)

Focus on the good stuff in your life and ask yourself: would I give up the good that I have for the stuff that I want? Can I have both? How do I make it happen? In most cases, people strongly object to having to give up what they love, so train your focus onto what you have that you would never give up, and use that as your focus foundation – not the stuff that isn’t available to you. Training your focus onto what others have is just mental torture, for no good outcome.

Your life is yours. You are in the driving seat to live whatever life you want to lead. The trick is accepting that whilst it may not be easy, chasing your dreams is worth the value you give it. Jealousy is looking at someone else’s end point and ignoring the journey it took them to get there. Yes, some people have an easier journey than others, but that affects you not at all. Your life is yours. Your journey is yours. Forget wasting time focusing on the outcomes of another – that just takes your foot off your own pedal. Weed your mental space. It’ll make YOUR journey smoother.