Moments after a baby is born, they are placed on a parent’s chest for skin-to-skin contact to help regulate temperature and heart rate, release feel-good hormones and promote bonding. Somewhere throughout our lives, our need for physical connection seems to fall by the wayside. Bringing its importance back to the forefront is professional cuddle therapist, Jasmina.
“We, as humans, need touch, we need connections, we need to talk to somebody, but it is more than that. We need the physical touch which assures us that everything is okay, we are accepted, and nobody is judging us. There is always a little bit of judgement in talks, but touch can’t lie,” says Jasmina.
Reading an article about touch therapy circa 2017, Jasmina was intrigued and sought a place she could learn more. She found the UK-based Cuddle Professional International online course, which provided a basic understanding of boundaries. Still not confident, Jasmina underwent a massage course and sought advice from US cuddle therapists online.
Feeling good in her technical skills, Jasmina knew she didn’t have to work on any soft skills. Naturally empathetic and warm, Jasmina was a good fit for the role, and even her children encouraged her to pursue this unusual career.
“Since I was young, people would come to me to talk to me and ask advice. My personality is welcoming, and people feel good with me.”
Ready to start cuddle therapy, Jasmina put a post in the Cuddlers of Canberra Facebook group and then another about hosting a Cuddle Party, which caught the attention of local media. Slowly growing over the years, cuddling and her other non-sexual healing services are now a full-time role.
Each client is screened through a phone call before they meet in person to get a feel for who is seeking her services. They go over the fact that it is strictly platonic and discuss what it is that has them seeking cuddle therapy.
“I don’t need to know much about you, but I need to know your boundaries, I need you to know my boundaries, what is allowed and what’s not allowed,” she says.
Jasmina’s boundaries are straightforward – anywhere a bikini covers can’t be touched, anywhere else can be touched, with permission, and there will be no kissing. It is the client’s boundaries that she wants to dive into more deeply.
“Some people come with no boundaries, while others say, ‘Do not touch my feet’. It’s not just about being ticklish; it’s more than that. Some people went through trauma, so it is very serious to know what their boundaries are.”
Cuddle therapy is a personal experience, something that the client makes for themselves. The sessions remain the same, cuddling and light touching in a variety of positions, but the take-home feeling shifts for each person.
“Everybody is different, and everybody is nervous when they come for the first time. When we start cuddling in the first 15 minutes, I can feel them start to relax.”
Some sleep the whole session, others just want to be close silently, and some want to talk through their woes.
“People don’t come only for the touch, that’s why it is therapy. People want to talk because they know they will not be judged for whatever they say, so they can open up. At the end of the session, they feel good and not anxious anymore,” says Jasmina.
Clients have sought Jasmina to help with their social anxiety or with their aversion to physical affection. Most notably, a young man sought Jasmina’s help because he couldn’t stand to touch or be touched by anyone; his sessions transformed his life.
“For about six months we were just sitting close to each other and then holding hands and then just sitting closer and closer until we actually started hugging. It took me about two years for that client to overcome all his fears. He is out in the wild now, and has a girlfriend,” smiles Jasmina.
No matter the reason why Jasmina’s clients seek her services, she remains engaging and professional.
“Their issue is not my issue; I am here as their therapist to help them get over their issue. Being the therapist, I never tell them what to do or what not to do. But by talking to me, they hear themselves and find the answers to their troubles.”
Human nature being what it is, surely people will try to take things further? Jasmina says around 80 per cent of enquiries don’t get past a phone call as she can tell they want more. Out of the remaining 20 per cent, she says one will try to take it further, but she ends the session.
“For men, it’s like if that erection happens, something has to be done about it. They feel they need to follow it up. If it’s not allowed, some of them would feel rejected in real life, but here, with boundaries explained and wanting to be platonic, they understand and calm down.”
And erections do happen, quite commonly.
“If it does happen, we just don’t pay attention. If they want to talk about it, we can talk about it, but they know it’s not going to happen and then it just goes down,” says Jasmina.
Separating physical touch and intimacy may be difficult for some people to get their head around. Jasmina believes the experience has a deeper meaning when sex is completely off the table.
“When it is platonic, you allow your skin to soak up all that touch. When it is sexual, it is just sexual, so it all comes fast and goes fast. Whereas with this, you can cuddle for hours and you still feel good and want more.”
Jasmina says her clients are split fairly evenly between genders and range from around 20 to those in their 80s, but for the most part, they would be between 35 and 50. A portion of Jasmina’s clients are married or in a relationship. Some spouses know, and some don’t. Jasmina views her job as the same as any other professional role, so she doesn’t feel bad about helping her clients.
“I have a client whose wife is paying for his session with me because she is not cuddly. It is sad, some clients are in relationships they can’t leave but that have no physical touch.”
“You’re relaxed, you’re in a safe environment, in every aspect you’re completely safe and accepted, it is like when you’re a little child, and your mum holds you.”
The Cuddle Party sessions Jasmina was first known for stopped once the pandemic hit. Each time she goes to reinstate them, another outbreak happens, and she doesn’t want to be a hotspot. Off the cards for the foreseeable future, parties used to see from six to 15 people come together and spend an evening in a relaxing environment with snacks, dim lighting, soft music and consensual, platonic touching.
“It is not a get-together, meet your future lover; it is purely platonic. Boundaries are set, but what you do after is yours … I don’t mind if you exchange your phone numbers and have cuddles at home; that is your business and some of them did.”
It may seem intimate to cuddle and create that connection with someone, but for Jasmina, it is strictly business. She might have regular clients who she sees multiple times a week, but she doesn’t develop attachments to any of them.
“Keeping boundaries is the best thing you can do for yourself; it is the best thing for the client too.”
Find out more about Touch Therapy by Jasmina; mytouchtherapy.com
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