Feeling angry is a normal emotion. However, it is how we express that anger and what we do with this feeling that’s important.
What is anger?
Anger can range from a feeling of momentary annoyance to full-on rage where we lose control, and we might yell or lash out. We can tell when we are angry because our heart rate and blood pressure rises and our adrenaline kicks in which can be unhealthy for our body if its ongoing and unresolved. Not to mention, it also has an emotional impact it has on others.
Why do we feel anger?
Anger is actually an instinct to feeling threatened, think of an animal fighting with another animal because they are defending their offspring. As humans though, this aggressive type of response to a threat can occur at times when it’s not helpful, such as in the workplace or with our loved ones. Yelling and screaming in most situations is not socially acceptable and certainly, there is no excuse for using physical violence.
What healthy things can we do then when we feel angry?
The best way is to be assertive and express your needs and feelings without hurting others through your words or actions. Sometimes people misinterpret being assertive as being pushy or demanding or yelling out your feelings. But assertiveness actually refers to being clear about your needs in a respectful and calm way to others.
Often people are reluctant to talk about their feelings and their needs, leading to resentment. This can cause internal anger and passive-aggressive behavior, characterised by not openly expressing our feelings or needs. Instead, we might hold grudges, plan revenge, speak negatively about others behind their backs, or belittle them. Such behavior fosters bitterness and unhappiness.
If you recognise your anger as unjust and irrational, perhaps because you’re in a bad mood or your perception is skewed, it’s important to find a way to calm down. Remove yourself from the situation, do some deep breathing or relaxation, talk to someone helpful to get things off your chest and think of a constructive way to address the issue that’s making you angry. We also need to learn to let some things go, holding a grudge only makes us feel bad and it doesn’t solve the issue.
Work out what triggers your anger and learn ways to deal with it in a calm manner. Question if you’re thinking rationally or if it is because you have a low tolerance due to physical illness or pain. Are you lacking sleep or hungry? Whatever the reason, addressing it will help you have more healthy interactions with others.
Are you over angry?
If you feel that your or someone else’s anger is out of control, frightening, or happening frequently, talk to someone who can help; mensline.org.au; relationships.org.au; psychology.org.au/find-a-psychologist
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