Domestic violence is when a person hurts another person they are in a relationship with (whether that be a family member or carer or an ex-partner) in a physical or emotional way. It usually occurs repeatedly and causes the person to feel unsafe. Domestic violence can occur in the home with family or non-family members, with a boyfriend or girlfriend or outside of the home by a family member. It can include threats to harm someone, controlling behaviours including financial control, threats that they’ll hurt themselves if you leave, stalking, touching you in ways you don’t want to be touched, sharing private photos of you and damaging parts of the home or your things.

Helping someone you care about who is going through domestic violence can be challenging. We worry about their safety and if we are equipped to help. Often people don’t know what to say or do. So here are a few tips that are suggested by the experts who work with people going through domestic violence.

Speak up

Sometimes a person doesn’t realise they are in a domestically violent relationship and it’s ok to say something when you care about someone. It is always ok to ask someone if they’re ok and express your concern. Help the person feel safe by offering to be there for them and help them work out a solution if and when they’re ready. Just knowing that someone is aware of what’s going on and they are offering to help can be a huge relief.

Take them seriously

Always believe someone when they express concern that they might be in a family or intimate partner domestic violent situation. It’s extremely rare that someone makes that up, despite what we hear in the media. No form of violence is ok. It is damaging to a person’s sense of safety and emotional wellbeing. Not to mention the danger to a person’s physical safety.

Listen and don’t judge

It can be really hard when someone you care about talks about domestic violence, especially if they don’t want to or won’t leave the situation. There are many reasons why people stay in a domestically violent relationship or don’t tell anyone. You can be there to listen and support them no matter what choice a person makes. Listening and supporting their decisions, even if you don’t think it’s the right decision, makes a huge difference. People often feel trapped and not in control and this can be made worse if you try to force someone into making a decision.

You can call for help

It’s hard supporting someone you care about who is going through a tough time. Make sure you look after yourself. Take breaks and talk to someone yourself about the challenges you’re facing. 1800RESPECT is there to help those going through domestic violence as well as those playing a supporting role.

If you believe someone is in immediate danger, call 000.